Monday, November 10, 2003

My Nov 5th rant

I wish I can take back that entry now. I promised a while ago that I will handle all criticism however negative and offensive it may seem. My family and friends always describe me as a cold, blunt, detached, and unemotional person. I have always considered that as a compliment. And I also mentioned once that it would be almost impossible to offend me. I assume that Michelle, one of my faithful readers, has figured that by now.

Anyway, the aforementioned post was an exception. I have been significantly stressed lately by personal circumstances unrelated to the blog. I guess it was also evident from some of my latest entries. I know I shouldn't have let that reflect on my writing. I am still new to all of this but I am learning daily. Then someone suggested that my fellow countrymen were not doing enough for Iraq, and another said that I was too busy playing games instead of playing an active role in the reconstruction. He was right. The best I can offer is to live my daily life normally without being intimidated by the armies of darkness attempting to undermine my future. I do not consider maintaining this modest blog as an act of service to my country as many people kindly cheered me up with. I do have a feeling of utter helplessness.

The remark that Iraqis were not doing their best to move on and rebuild Iraq was the last straw for me. I blindly lashed out at everyone. It was unfair and totally uncalled for. I became emotional and illogical. I said some nasty things and used offensive language. It did relieve me for a while though. And then I seriously considered quitting writing. I returned the following day to check my email and I was dumbfound. There were 860 messages in my inbox. At first I thought I had been attacked by some spammer, but that wasn't the case. They were emails from people all over the world offering their support and understanding and urging me to continue. My eyes welled up with tears, and I am a person that has cried only once or twice in years. I felt so awful I wished then that some suicide bomber would enter the cafe and blow me up with him. I went back home that day and took it upon my self to read all the emails and comments.

Please do not misunderstand. I did not intend to offend or be rude. I did not mean to be ungrateful to people who have sent their boys and girls to fight for my cause. My heart goes out to all the moms who wrote to me and to the others who didn't. It is only to you that I should apologise. And to anyone who is reading this I promise that I will be more careful in my posts from now on.